The Practice of Going Inward

A lot of people are asking me how we plan to honor Oak’s second birthday. We love that others reach out. It means the world to us. Our response this year: we are celebrating Oak by going inward.

Photo by Sonja K Photography. 

What does that mean, to go inward? The practice of going inward does not mean to hide or shut out the world. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. We are choosing to limit the noise of the everyday – technological or other distractions. We are quieting our own selves to open to the door for Oak to speak.

We are lighting candles for him. We are visiting his spot by the creek. We are praying and meditating to him so he can hear us… so we can tell him what proud parents we are. We are also listening for the things he’d like to express.

I recently heard a wonderful piece of advice about the journey of grief from another loss mama. She said that when you lose a baby, you must travel through grief similar to your child’s lost stages of development. This means in grief that you must crawl before you toddle, you toddle yet still fall down quite a bit, and eventually you walk, and run, while always growing and changing (and sometimes still falling down). Since Oak is going to be 2, he’d be toddling about quite a bit, and more and more, using his voice. As proud parents, we encourage him to use his voice. And much like with a living child, it is easier to listen and understand the melodic voice of a toddler with less everyday noise.

How do we hear Oak? Well, we are trying different approaches. I think it is important to recognize that we may be limited if we define sound as a one-way transaction: sound goes in and a response comes out. However, have you ever listened to a song you loved so much you could feel it in your heartbeat? Have you ever heard a bell chime and actually felt vibration? Have you ever seen a sunset so beautiful that you could hear it with your soul?

And we know from various historical figures like Helen Keller and Beethoven, for example, that we are not limited by our physical experience. We simply need to adjust the way we listen.

By the practice of going inward, we experience those guttural sounds first – our emotions – and allow ourselves to hear them. As we recognize these emotions and ride through them (and it’s often painful), we can open our heart and soul to our son’s beautiful voice. He has so much to say. Developmentally, he is at the age of repeating a lot of what is overheard in conversation. Certainly a lesson to be gentle with any self-judgement. Happy Birthday to our sweet baby boy Oak.